Neato

Life has been...perfect.

A series of black holes sucking me into nearly inescapable moments. I have nearly forgotten that my life used to have other things in it. There are a lot of people I haven't seen. A lot of things left undone and I'm just not up for it. Too many things, too many people, too little motivation. I like sitting on a porch.

I'll get over it, its just a matter of organizing my life and putting the pieces together to create cohesion.

I really can't complain (though I just managed too..whoops) I truly am one of the luckiest people.

Today was wonderful, thank you so much. I can only dream of the pleasant days that will follow this...then again, the happiness that I have been experiencing lately stretches far beyound that of which I could have ever dreamt of.

It's nice.

P.S. It's kinda hard to sleep right now, its difficult to breathe and I keep coughing...ugh I need a sandwich stat...eating always fixes everything.

I Like Stuff

Lit by the moonlight filtering through the foliage and the tungsten warmth of the house I’ve lived in all my life…I fell.

I haven’t let myself fall like this in a long time. I haven’t felt like this in a long time…dare I say…ever. I truly feel I’ve found my other half.

The gapping hole to my soul is no more and in your arms I truly feel complete.

Happy Happy Hippo

Our generation has formulated this masked identity; acting as if we desire a privacy that we make impossible to exist. We plead that we only wish to be alone, to be in “turmoil”, yet we pour our souls and secrets to any passing ear. Why can’t we save a little something? When you revel everything you have to everyone you meet, what is left?

Parents pray for chastity as their blossoming son or daughter takes on the world, but give no mind to equally if not more serious matters of the innocence of their soul. Virtuousness is not embodied in the physical form (at least not mainly), but mentally. Restraint is not always necessary but I feel like you need to save something for that someone.

A little sugar is sweet, a lot will make you sick (except for me because I love candy). Secrecy is the same, knowing you’re hearing a secret creates a bound within itself. Aside from the secret being disclosed, the sheer fact that it is being uttered in your presence should be considered a gift, a sign of trust and affection.

Oh, and just to clarify, this is not a disguised rant or attack on any one individual…it’s to society.

In other news, is it me, or is it incredibly hard to breathe? I guess the pollen in the air is agitating everyone but honest to gosh, I can hardly get a solid breath the past few days. I’m tired of it. The past three or four years I’ve watched my lungs decrease in their ability to function and I wouldn’t mind so much if it didn’t affect me so gosh darn much. I can’t ride my bike that far or play soccer or frisbee or swim that long. I feel like I’m out of shape but then no matter how much activity I participate in nothing changes. Alwell, everyone has their thing..if this is mine, I should consider myself lucky!

I miss Chicago…thank gosh home has turned out to be as awesome as it is….it makes being away from everyone easier.



I’m talking to Max right now and its good to have my twin bro covering my back again. With his approval, anything seems alright.

I've come to realize that recently has been the happiest I've been in at least a year...grateful isn't enough to describe it.

P.S. I wish I had the version I took of this a year ago...all the same I think some of it is kinda bull crap...still, it was funny!

Advanced Global Personality Test Results Extraversion |||||||||||||| 56% Stability |||||||||| 33% Orderliness |||||||||||| 46% Accommodation |||||||||||||||||||| 83% Interdependence |||||| 30% Intellectual |||||||||||||||| 63% Mystical |||||||||||||||| 63% Artistic |||||||||||||||||||| 90% Religious |||||| 23% Hedonism |||||| 23% Materialism || 10% Narcissism |||||||||||| 43% Adventurousness |||||||||||| 50% Work ethic |||||||||||||||| 63% Self absorbed |||||| 23% Conflict seeking |||| 16% Need to dominate |||||||||||| 43% Romantic |||||||||||||||||||| 90% Avoidant |||||||||||||| 56% Anti-authority |||| 16% Wealth |||||||||||||| 56% Dependency |||||||||| 36% Change averse |||||||||||||||||||| 90% Cautiousness |||||||||||||||||||| 90% Individuality |||||| 30% Sexuality |||||| 30% Peter pan complex |||||||||||||| 56% Physical security |||||||||||||||||||| 90% Physical Fitness |||||||||||||||| 64% Histrionic |||| 16% Paranoia |||||||||||||||| 70% Vanity |||||| 23% Hypersensitivity |||||||||||||||| 70% Indie |||||||||||||||||||||| 95%

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There are many things I could write, but none of them are needed right now, perhaps later.

Things are good...wait no, great. I'm really happy.

I have a feeling that things will work out for us all, they always do. When you do it up right...good things will work their way to you. We have each other and that is stronger than anything.

Just us against the world.

Lets smile along the way.

It's summer and so far the summer nights have been treating me more kindly than ever.

Lucky

My life has become a series of moments flooding into one another with this mismatched grace. Aqueous hours dripping and melding into this life that I’m living. One day blends into the next in this beautiful patchwork and I can’t help but smile. Even in my darker moments, the understanding that happier ones will follow is more than enough.

Drip drop and off we go like smoke blowing into the next square of my life.


I’m happy.

Just Do It

You: Oh emily i rock nike shoes, i dont cruise control i control the CRUISE

Me: oh goodness
you and your nike
its no good

You: its all good nothing but hits baby

Me: but Nike uses cheap labor in indonesian factories to manufacture their goods

You: im american
what does that have to do with me

P.S. I feel like death...I mean emotionally I'm stellar....but this headache I went to bed with manifested in my slumber and has grown to something awful. I'm hoping this goes away...along with this weather. Dang, at least make it thunder storm if it is going to be this gloomy.

The Blood In My Mouth

Getting up this morning was a little rough, but completely worth it.

Walking was nice except that it was cool enough that my exposed ears become so terribly cold. That's honestly my least favorite part of being cold. Ears are just such a hassle in these times aching as you come in.

Also, I got a cut in my mouth and my blood tastes more metallic than ordinary. Does that mean I'm not anemic anymore? Maybe I'm too in tune to things that don't matter. Wait, no, I definitely am. Oh well, sometimes I like that about me.

At this point in life I feel like I have so many positive options in my future and it is difficult to choose. I don't want to walk down one path only to regret it, turn heal to take off on another and realize that I cannot go back...kind of like in Mario...why wouldn't they just let me walk back?

I guess growing up is gaining the ability to not need to go back. Growing up is advancing one inch closer to an idealized perfection one can never quite achieve. Pessimistic, or realistic...you decide.

P.S. All I've been eating are turkey sandwichs and toast and jam...and drinking oj. I like it.

Scout...

This second post of the day is not nearly as happy as the first.

I just went to check in and play with my baby turtle Scout and she wouldn't wake up.

I know it is childish of me perhaps but I was so attatched to that little turtle. During the semester having her around to keep me company was nice. Now she is gone.

I miss Scout.

Summer Of The Cicada

I’ve had a lot of journals and blogs in my time, but this one is a start over.

I had planned this summer with precision and zeal only to have my plans crumble and fall before me. Life happens and sometimes there is nothing you can do to account for that. I honestly hate change but of all the things I have learned in my short life, change is bound to happen and you have to roll with the punches. So roll I must.

This is going to be a summer of hoodies and hugs, cicadas and cigarettes, driving and dozing (not in conjunction of course), and all around happiness. No more expectation, no more setting up for hurt, just living in the moment the best I can. We’ll see how it goes. Thus far things have really been falling into place.

I made some new friends in the early beginnings of this saucy season. Yeah, I said saucy and I think its quite suiting. Normally I’m really quiet and awkward…well actually I still am, but I’m growing out of it bit by bit and these people seem patient.

Life is really good and I’m happy which is more than I have been able to say in awhile.

I think it is going to storm and I’m anxious…in that good way.

Day One

We'll see how this goes.