When did I learn to savor the tang of hemoglobin…when did I feel as free and as spontaneous? Where did the courage to let go and live on come from? Frankly I have never been one to open my arms to change, in fact, I have even grow slightly notorious for baring my arms against the wages of time.

I’ve let go…a lot. Sure, I’m still me, but I breathe more deeply now, my heart swaggers to a patient lub-dub as oppose to the preceding inconsistent jabs of ecstasy and distress. My life hasn’t changed too greatly, but I have. I opened my eyes to the possibilities that surrounded me and have abandoned the negative for the positive. I’m allowing myself to embrace the amazing things that surrounded me and finally am forcing myself to focus on my good fortune rather than hone in on the occasional downer.

In the past month I have let several friendships slip from my grasps and there are many times I find myself regretting it. Most of my current life wasn’t a result of conscious decision as it has always been in the past. I’ve been trying to just float, have faith, believe in the inevitable. I’m not kneeling at my bedside hands clasped together, but I am closing my eyes and smiling a lot.

I’m lying on city rooftops and watching the stars as beer bottles rattle, and dancing ensues. I’m listening to music while I fling paint at a canvas and hold the brush in my mouth. I’m letting the sheets caress against my body and tug at my hip bones, sometimes I let the window sit open and just listen to the brown line squeal and wale in it’s linear migration. My showers are scalding hot and sometimes I go to class with my hair wet. Alone in the afternoons I like to lay on the floor and let Jem [my turtle] crawl on me or snag with his feet at the fibers in the carpet. I eat apples and pad thai and sing while cooking. Most of all, I’m staring into the eyes of the most amazing person I’ve ever met. I’ve never been so incredibly content in all my life.

I’m going to start posting photos again soon, I’ve just been so busy. I’ve been learning a lot of new techniques, experimenting with new equipment, learning how to operate new adobe programs, and examining new forms of art. I’m growing increasingly obsessed with sexuality and vulgarity. The contradiction that exists where we sell sex but deem porn as taboo. What is sexy and beautiful, what is just sexy, and what is just pornographic and offensive? Additionally, the concept of space and the versatility it can possess be it barren or occupied. I love it, I think I’m going to start really diving into it. So keep your eyes peeled, pictures coming soon.