I've written three entries and I just keep deleting them.

I have nothing "right" to say.

Nothing feels right, nothing is right.

Every Day I Am Here

Is a testament to how much I love you.

Because I HATE it here.

You are the only thing keeping me here.

This One Is For Paul

You do have someone thinking about you. Each and every day.

Now be safe and stop chasing randoms into shitty ditches.

This One Is About YOU

Where have you been? It's like you've completely disappeared to me.

Please Come Home

And remind me why I'm still here.

It Seems No Matter How Alive I Am

I always looks a little dead.

I'm Sure

Maybe You Were Just A Reminder

To not trust a promise.

Every Day

I felt like I'm not fooling anyone.

But really, I've been fooling everyone.

24

Whenever I talk to you I get this feeling and I think I've always talked about it as this feeling of warmth and familiarity. But now I'm realizing it's more.

I feel like I'm covered in mud and my freckles that hide in the winter come back out. My skin abandons its pallor and is warm and young. And my hair, it's wind blown and tangled. I start daydreaming about jungles, forts, tree houses, caves, befriending feral cats, and trying to ride a horse bareback.

I start craving fruits and hearty bread and feel the need to walk my apartment barefoot.

16

Oh Yeah?

Playing in the snow with my kiddies.

11

To Dream A Dream

I've found it often more pleasant to dream a dream thank to live it.

Grandma

My grandma died today.

Every time someone dies in my life I always fall asleep right as they are passing.

2011 has not been the best year so far.

But I have my hopes set high. Things can only get better from here.

Grandma is in a better place, Mr. Hurd's cancer is removable and I have some really amazing people in my life.

Like I said, it can only get better from here.

Today

I learned Mr. Hurd has cancer.

I'm trying so hard to be brave for Jeff but I am so sad inside.

Nothing can happen to this man, he is so sweet and gentle and I cannot imagine a world without him. Jeff needs his father.

It's not his time.

Everything happens for a reason but this just doesn't seem like it makes any sense.

(If you read this please do not say anything as I am not sure whether the family is sharing this information yet. I honestly wrote this for myself with the understanding that very few if any people read this. Thank you.)