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I've been running away for the past few months and I'm not sure from what I just know the desperate feeling that consumes me…
“Only after disaster can we be resurrected”
This summer shattered my soul and it hurt like hell but it was after it all that I could gather the pieces and have slowly begun to rebuild myself. I was forced to face what I was making of my life and it felt false and empty. Until that point I feel I had created the me I wanted to be, but the life I was living was not the one I desired. I felt a lack or compulsion and passion, absent of happiness and driven by instinct, sympathy…blindly wandering the corridors of my “life”.
I’m still working everything out, and in this process I have pretty much abandoned my old life. Well, to be fair, there is still a good portion that remains, but at the very least, I feel as if I have left so much behind me and I’m trying to retrace my steps and pick up what I left behind in my hast to retreat from the deafening storm.
I’m recovering…I’m coming back…please be patient.
Today I was walking and I really started to focus on my glasses. For those who have never worn glasses, I think the hardest thing to get used to is the fact that you can only see the world clearly through the lenses of your glasses, venture outside these boundaries, faces blur and inanimate objects instantly adopt an anthropomorphic quality…which can be amusing or devastatingly embarrassing. It’s just weird I suppose, and for an hour or so it takes some time to get used to it. You keep seeing the rims of the glasses.
All of this got me thinking…am I still seeing the rims now (now that I’m used it them)? I mean sure, if I want to see them and think about it I can…but the rest of the time I completely block it out. This makes me uneasy. What else in life have I so simply blocked out with little disregard? What happens to that message; that fire of electrical impulses sending the sight of these rims through my mind? Is it completely lost, irrelevant, and if so, how can I consciously then regain my awareness of them? This brings up the concept of lost energy…if these impulses are still being sent, how can I not be seeing them, how can they be ignored? Its like when you’re reading and someone is talking…are your eardrums not vibrating with the frequency of their voice? It would seem most logical, and frankly most probable that you eardrums are in fact, still vibrating, and the impulses are still being sent to your brain, so the ultimate question remains, what happens to all of this lost thought?
Recycling doesn’t begin at the curb with your aluminum and cardboard, it’s here in our minds.
Pictures soon, promise.
In the mean time, this is what I've been doing mostly...
Sometimes I just look at photos from a time in the past and I wish I could go back. I don't think I would change anything, I just want to be there again, just for a little, just for a visit. I promise I'd come back...I think.
Trying to live life with no regrets, lets see how it works out.
P.S. More pictures soon.
