To You And A Few

It's a lonely summer night, too cold and buggy for roaming. I feel pathetic returning to my computer, but if you're reading this, you know the compulsion that glowing monitor holds.

I think I'm at one of those turning points again in my life, one of those times where I think I have it all figured out and I'm really happy. I'm hoping that it'll stay this way...the difference this time? I'm not counting on it, just trying to enjoy it. I've isolated myself though, a lot, too much in fact. I've been cutting myself off and I just feel like there is this nearly indescribable padding between me and the rest of the world. Wearing rubber gloves and dipping my hands underwater, its cold and my hands feel wet but as I pull them above the surface and peal back the latex, my hands are covered in white powder, dry and untouched.

I'm not unhappy, nor do I predict any enviable tragedy in my future, but I'm trying to fight the feeling that has clouded my vision in the past. That sense of invincibility, or the idea that happiness will never fall from my grasps. Maybe I'm a little vulnerable, but right now I'm just feeling too careless and maybe even too ignorant to notice.

Simple enough, I'm just living life and being happy, eating what I eat, doing what I do, wrestling my cat, cuddling in the sheets, sleeping on the train, talking to strangers, making up lies just to see if anyone will believe it...just being me. I could talk about the day I had at the beach, the strangely-patterned sunburn I recently incurred as a result of poor sunscreen application, or the strange man that hit on me at this college graduation party that had perhaps one of the most delicious cakes I have ever tasted in all my life...but I don't feel like writing much more and mentioning them briefly has done justice for their occurrence at this point.

This online blog, journal, whatever you want to call it is so overrated, but here I am writing in it. I'm glad I have you though blog, even if I don't understand why.

Bye