I Am Invincible. I Am Invisible.

All of this is just an attempt at capturing the restless unknown.

Collecting the autumn leaves like I’m trying to trap that feeling. Pressed between my book pages they slip out during class, while I’m in the midst of a conversation. They spill to the ground, flattened and trapped. A smile here, a chuckle there…what a funny foolish girl collecting the shit that’s all over the ground.

I come home at night and splay them before me.

They’re beautiful and perfect. Fall will never leave me now. Never, for I have captured it and held it, suffocated it into my existence. It will be with me forever.

The impatient night pursues and I sit at the fat wooden table, dented and loved. I hover my brush over spills of paint, trying to capture the restless unkown but it always alludes me just so. I look at my leaves once more and wash my brushes, wash my face, wash my teeth.

I take a long hard look in the mirror and meditate.

Who are you?

I am my mother’s daughter. No. Who are you? I am my father’s pride. No. Who are you? I am me. No. Who are you? This could go on forever.

And it does.

I slip the pills down my throat and they ease into my bile. They percolate into my system and circulate into my soul. The weight tugs at my eyelids and the chemicals tickle my brain. How funny and frivolous it all seems in these moments, pure bliss? No. Just emptiness, and silence, my head is silent. And I take this moment, the momentary laps between head and heart, where they both cease and allow true nothingness to occur.

Right now nothing can hurt me, nothing can touch me…and I can slip into sleep of some undesirable sort. In the sleep I can be taunted by all the usual haunts but I don’t mind anymore. They can’t touch me either. I am invincible. I am invisible.

I am invincible. I am invisible.