Not Here

I wish I wasn't here but back in your bed. Laying there I don't bite my nails or bounce my knee or think about bad things. I just smile and laugh and am happy.

I miss Chicago a lot. I miss my friends and the life I had there. I'm excited to go back, to see all my friends again and to introduce them to my new ones.

Paul is really really sick. I don't know what to do about that. I'm scared, really scared.

Life moves on though and I'm really lucky. I just have to keep smiling, there is no reason not to...all the same, I hope Paul gets better soon.

Update 10:57 - I woke up this morning really early and felt so sick it was awful. I passed out on the floor but the tile in the bathroom felt really good. I did get a funny red mark on my face from laying there so long though!

Paul said he wants Hallelujah by Jeff Buckley to be played at his funeral.

I'm going to my grandmother's today. I hope she doesn't talk about my weight anymore or grab my body. She will though.