Tonight

There are times where I get this surreal feeling like maybe for just one second, no one can see me or hear me and I feel compelled to do something ridiculous and attention-grabbing to interrupt this thought. I’m too shy for that though, usually I just reach out for a touch, a stroke, half expecting my hand to pass through your flesh. As my efforts for recognized existence grow more desperate I watch as my hands curve around waists and my fingers trickle upon ticklish spots. I don’t want to be the center of attention, I just wish I didn’t feel so invisible.

I don’t know what I’m doing with my life. I feel so vulnerable. I feel so needy and pesty…I’m sorry, honest and true.

Coming home tonight I saw eyes flickering in the reflecting light of my headlights. I stopped the car in the street and got out. A tiny black cat sat squatting in the grass staring at me. I stepped closer and watched a furry black streak dart across the pavement in the ambient mixture of moonlight and golden streetlamps. I sat cross-legged on my driveway waiting patiently and slowly he crept near. At first timid within seconds he was nuzzling my kneecaps nearly collapsing into my lap.

I fed him listening to my messages as I watched him chomp at the pile of kibble I had set before him. Five messages. Three from you, drunk, you were so drunk. I’m bummed, you pinky swore you wouldn’t drink…and you did. I should have known, this isn’t the first time you’ve done this, and it won’t be the last.

I’m sorry I had to go inside little black cat. I hope you come again tomorrow.