Day Dreams

Kneeling on the cool, wet bottom of a sandy pit pulling at the edges watching the grains tumble in towards me collecting and weighing at my feet I can sense my words and movements becoming as animalistic as my emotions and instincts kick in. Any logic I have acquired in my life is lost and I scurry myself a deeper more forlorn grave.

I got into another fight with my dad…

It was hard looking at my mother and asking her what I should do only to find her shaking her head. She can no longer answer my questions and she can no longer save me from him. It’s the kick I needed though. I’m too reliant and I need to suck it up and change.

I’m excited to have the house to myself and to be able to do what I want. I can do my own cooking, cleaning, and laundry without my mother tearing up and asking if she can do it so she can feel like she’s taking care of me…sometimes I like the way I do things better. I can read, paint, write, sketch, and set up a studio in the bathroom without someone messing it all up. I can lay on the couch with my dog and dance in my underwear, sing in the shower and sleep on the carpet, build forts and mazes and storm up contraptions. It’ll be nice to be alone.

It’ll be nice to dream without interruption.



P.S. Also, reminder to self: stop complaining...you're so lucky and all you do is complain in this thing...whoops!